How Do We Keep Love Alive? Part 1

Another first date. Another attempt to reach out to a lost friend. Another fight with a partner. Another misunderstanding with a sibling. Why do we keep doing this? Why do we still open ourselves up to the unknown, to the potential for heartbreak, misalignment, and disappointment?

The answer is simple: because our well-being depends on it.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running research on happiness, has shown that the quality of our relationships is the single most important predictor of a long and fulfilling life. Not wealth. Not status. Not even the most extensive biohacking. Our ability to cultivate and sustain meaningful connections is essential to our happiness and longevity.

Yet, in today’s world, where we are offered more ways than ever to avoid intimacy—through endless scrolling, swiping with the illusion of infinite choice, and ghosting—it takes more effort than ever to choose connection over convenience.

Relationships Confirm Our Sense of Aliveness

Connection is not just about longevity, however; it is also about aliveness. The act of relating—to a lover, a friend, or even a stranger—awakens something in us that we cannot experience on our own. It is in these moments of exchange, of friction, of discovery, that we truly remember who we are.

Relationships introduce us to our edges and invite us to grow beyond them. Dating, in particular, is an act of optimism—a refusal to give in to cynicism or resignation. It is a way of saying, “Despite everything, I still believe in possibility. I still believe that I can be surprised. I still believe that love—whether fleeting or lifelong—has the power to transform me.”

In every interaction, we learn something new: about ourselves, about others, and about the world we live in. Relationships force us to confront our vulnerabilities, test our assumptions, and expand our capacity for empathy and understanding. Through the tension and joy of these connections, we gain new dimensions of who we are, strengthening our resilience and deepening our sense of aliveness.

Is It Worth It?

So, is it still worth it? The effort. The risk. The vulnerability. The fear of rejection. The uncertainty.

Yes. It is worth it! We're not meant to be isolated or feel isolated. It is worth the risk, because the alternative—a life without connection—is far more dangerous to our well-being. Isolation makes us brittle; connection makes us resilient. When we are surrounded by meaningful relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or communal—we develop the tools to handle life’s inevitable challenges with grace and strength.

The importance of connection extends beyond romantic love. It encompasses the love we share with family, friends, communities, and even with ourselves. These bonds—whether deep and long-lasting or short and fleeting—remind us that we are part of something greater. They root us in something larger than our individual selves.

In a world that can often feel unstable and uncertain, our relationships become the anchors that ground us. They remind us that even in the midst of upheaval, even when we feel undeniably lonely, anxious, or depressed, we are not alone. We belong.

The Power of Relationship in a Fragmented World

We all go through phases of isolation—whether self-imposed, medically necessary, or simply because we’ve fallen out of practice putting ourselves out there. But it is relationships—whether meaningful and fulfilling or mundane and fleeting—that sustain us and remind us that life is worth living.

In a fragmented world filled with distractions, noise, and surface-level engagements, the act of choosing connection over detachment is a radical, life-affirming choice. Every time we reach out, every time we risk rejection or vulnerability, we are affirming the truth: love, in all its forms, is worth keeping alive.

So, how do we keep love alive? We choose it, every day. We show up—imperfectly, messily, and with the belief that connection is worth the risk. We allow ourselves to be surprised, to grow, and to embrace the uncertainty that comes with opening our hearts. We create spaces where vulnerability can thrive and where love, in all its forms, is welcomed and nurtured.

The answer is simple: Love is kept alive by choosing connection, embracing vulnerability, and staying open to the possibility of what’s yet to come. And in doing so, we nourish the very essence of who we are.