Emotions are the threads that weave the intricate tapestry of our human experience. Among them, anger and assertiveness often walk a fine line, influencing how we navigate our interactions and shape our relationships. As we journey towards discovering our True Self—a self characterized by love, compassion, and wisdom—we must understand the distinction between these emotions. By learning to harness our emotions and express them in healthy ways, we can foster personal growth and embody the qualities that define our highest potential.
The Dance Between Anger and Assertiveness Anger and assertiveness are two emotional dancers on the stage of human communication. While they may seem similar, they possess distinct characteristics and outcomes.
Anger: This fiery emotion arises in response to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations. It can be like a storm that clouds our judgment and impairs rational thinking. It's painful and when we are angry it's like holding a hot coal that we wish to throw at another, but it us who suffers, only we are suffering if we are thinking angry thoughts about someone. Unchecked anger can lead to detrimental outcomes, damaging relationships and causing harm to both ourselves and others.
The key lies in understanding that anger is a reactive emotion that often overshadows our capacity for effective communication. How does it do this? Like a delusion that does not allow us to perceive the truth of a person, we see only their faults and we think something like 'they are a bad, horrible person'. We often think, 'they have made me get angry', and we try and blame them or exact some revenge.
Okay so here is the game changer, there absolutely no-one, nothing outside of our mind that can make us angry. Why? Because if we didn't already think the thoughts and have the beliefs ourself then no amount of slander say, would hurt us. If you are called 'a stupid idiot' by someone it would only have the power to harm you if you were already critising yourself harshly and calling yourself an idiot over and over again, until you believed this. Then when someone calls you an idiot you believe them too, it works like this, then we feel hurt and angry because we believe its true!
Assertiveness: On the other hand, assertiveness is a proactive and intentional communication style. It allows us to express our needs, opinions, and boundaries while respecting those of others. Assertiveness is a powerful tool for conflict resolution, promoting open dialogue and mutual understanding. By embracing assertiveness, we can navigate difficult conversations with grace, fostering healthy connections and nurturing the growth of our True Self.
The secret about assertiveness is that it has as its basis patience, someone who is assertive is at their centre like a mountain, still and strong. They can't be pushed over by criticism or harsh remarks. Also because they have become self aware as to the workings of their angry minds they know just how painful anger can be for themselves and for the other person who is angry too, this gives rise to compassion. Assertiveness feels very different to the shaky uncontrolled fiery outbursts of anger because self worth and patience is its basis, not fear and uncontrolled desires.
The Path to Our True Self Our True Self embodies qualities such as love, compassion, and wisdom. By understanding the interplay between anger and assertiveness, we can pave the way towards nurturing these qualities within ourselves.
1. Self-Awareness: The journey to our True Self begins with self-awareness. Recognizing our emotional triggers and patterns helps us navigate them more consciously. By acknowledging our anger and understanding its source, our fears and uncontrolled desires, we can transform it into assertiveness—a tool to communicate our needs and values without causing harm. It is when we do not aknowledge we have anger arising in our mind and surpress it that we become driven by it to act in ways that are harmful. The first stage to developing self awareness of our anger is to notice the uncomfortable feelings that arise in our body and without panicking, learn to accept them.
2. Empathy and Compassion: Assertiveness involves active listening and empathy. As we communicate assertively, we create a space for others to express themselves too. This fosters compassion, a cornerstone of our True Self. Compassion allows us to respond to others' emotions with kindness, fostering deeper connections and understanding. Empathy and compassion can only dawn within the space of patient acceptance, acceptance of the negative feelings arising in our mind.
3. Wisdom and Growth: Wisdom comes from recognizing the impermanence of emotions and situations. We can think 'this angry feeling and the thoughts arising will pass', like rain clouds in the vast expanse of the sky. When we transform anger into assertive communication, we tap into our inner wisdom. This wisdom helps us see the bigger picture and seek resolutions that align with our True Self.
4. Love and Connection: As we harness assertiveness, we cultivate healthy relationships based on trust and open communication. This paves the way for love to flourish, creating connections that are rooted in understanding and authenticity.
The journey to becoming our True Self—imbued with qualities of love, compassion, and wisdom—is intricately linked with our ability to navigate emotions like anger and embrace assertiveness. By acknowledging and transforming our anger into assertive communication, we create a pathway towards healthier relationships and personal growth. As we learn to express ourselves assertively, we open the door to understanding, empathy, and compassion, nurturing the essence of our True Self. In this dance between emotions and self-discovery, we weave a narrative that aligns with our highest potential—one that radiates love, compassion, and wisdom to the world around us.
With Love and Peace